In Your Image

Reading Time: 16 minutes

It’s a little past mid day and I know I have to prepare myself for work. I quickly get into the shower and as soon as I’m done, with a towel wrapped around me, I get to pick out the clothes I want to wear for the day and as I pass the huge mirror on the wall, I take a second look at the person staring back at me. It doesn’t really look and feel the way I would want to feel…

…I realize that I don’t like the person staring back at me. She’s not pretty enough…tall enough…hippie enough…her skin tone doesn’t really match from head to toe and this just takes a bit of her soul away. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a strong beautiful woman who is just having one of those days where she  feels less beautiful, and thinking about all the crap society has made her listen to just sickens her to the core.

Since time immemorial, society has decided to create certain standards in which, it chooses to treat it’s women, not forgetting a measuring pole used for quantifying  their worth and beauty. This so called standards have changed over the time, and sadly this has affected a lot of ladies me included. Women try to fit in to these categories so as to please society while at the same time, wondering why people wouldn’t just accept them as they are.

I’ll focus on the 21st century where most of us are in existence and may I just say that the standards today, are atter filth.!! Society as we know it has set certain calibers for the ‘perfect woman.’ I think the most popular if we consider pop culture and social media forums; a woman who is light skinned, curvy with a big booty long relaxed hair is fire!!…hhhhmmm…!! First of all I don’t think that is even possible naturally, but let me state that it is not impossible. But through plastic surgery enhancements it could be.

I don’t think we understands the kind of pressure we put on women especially black women. First of all may I say that black is beautiful!! Black don’t crack honey! I understand that as black people we were  programmed or rather we were made to feel inferior just because of the color of our skin. We were seen as a lesser race and sadly our skin was made to feel like dirt…I believe that this in itself has divided us as the black race because now we’re divided by our skin tones commonly referred to as the light skin dark skin phenomenon. How you ask? Well this is simply done by people who first of all put too much acknowledgement to the ones  who are of  a lighter skin tone than the rest. “Team light skin” as they are popularly referred to.

Now! Let me say this…being light skin doesn’t mean you have the badge of honor and being dark skin doesn’t mean you carry the badge of shame!! Now repeat it after me.

We acknowledge the lighter skin tone so much so that without even realizing  it, we affect our darker skin tone Queens. Well if this is you then shame! All women are beautiful…our race, the black race, I must say is a blessed race since our skin tones can vary up to 10 tones or more!!yes  I learned this from the various make up lines that sort to satisfy all our different skin tones from the darkest tone to the lightest tone.

Bleaching…a touchy subject but let me ask…do the people who engage in this do it because they are simply ashamed of how their skin looks like?? Or do they do it because it’s their body and they can do whatever they want with it??? No judgment just trying to satisfy my curiosity.

Now let me move on to something to do  with what is attached to the bones…I’m a tiny human being, and I was always confident in how I looked I didn’t see anything wrong with my body that is until social media and TV told me ‘no darling there’s something missing… ‘big booty yoh!! he he he well…this affected me for a while I won’t lie I’m only human and an older teen at the time. This I think got to me when this theory was being peddled everywhere I would go be it work, school or the streets.

This is until I thought maybe there’s something wrong with me. Yes I have a behind and yes it’s good enough for me because it fits my body perfectly but the society just kept saying it needs to be bigger!!! Now I’m sure you are wondering what I did with this information…Well I just showed the world the middle finger and said nope!!! This is who I am.! Petite!!cute, adorable and an amazing  human being and if that’s not good enough for you then I’m sorry not sorry..!! I’m good enough for me and that’s what’s matters. Do you know that it got to a point where I didn’t where some clothes cause somewhere  in my silly mind I thought noo!! It would look bad on my butt but now I wear everything confidently as long as it makes me comfortable, looks good and is decent enough! Case closed.

I get we all have preferences. Hell I have my own when it comes to the type of guy I would want to date or would make me happy if I looked at…but having body preferences when it comes to guys towards women doesn’t give you any right whatsoever to body shame women!! It’s simple really, if you don’t like what you see keep it to yourself! Don’t make me feel bad just because you don’t like how my body is shaped! I say this since some men play a big role in body shaming because according some of them, they expect women to look a certain way. If some women don’t look like so, they are ridiculed and called names…I say this again…shame!

Over the time, I have seen women who have been bashed over and over again because of how they look but have been brave enough to stand up for themselves and refuse the society to profile them…women such as Lupita Nyongo Lena Dunham just to name a few, have stood their ground and shared their stories that have inspired ladies all over the world to accept who they are.


A woman was created to look good and if make up makes you feel good then do it. Let no person shame you because of it. Do it and do it right but don’t be too dependant on it that you can’t go to your local kiosk without having some on. And if you’re all team natural then be proud of it let no one push into doing make up if you are not into it!! Regardless we are all beautiful.

Moving on to some hairy situations…ladies embrace your hair short long curly soft hard and kinky it’s yours…do your hair the way you see it fit you want to go all natural then do it…relax you’re hair, do it weave it braid it or put on dreadlocks do it honey…it’s your choice hell if you want to keep it short and neat you will look beautiful…the only thing I don’t encourage is trying to do the impossible just to impress people and I’ll address something that I’ve seen happening. Weaving is fine it’s good if you love it and it makes you feel comfortable and beautiful but one thing I don’t like is when women fail to maintain this weaves some just age on their heads and this is not nice especially the smell that comes from an old weave is not pleasant at all. If you can’t constantly maintain  weave changing then don’t do it…do what work’s for you…don’t go borrowings wigs too this is usually really embarrassing.

Love love love!! Love who you are first of all as an individual. It has to come from you…enjoy who you’re as a person, point out what you love about yourself, either personality wise or any physical element then go ahead and embrace them. For the things you don’t like,  learn how to love and accept them…it’s a process that needs patience because whether you like it or not, they will always be part of you even if you try to change them. A mistake that most women make is waiting for affirmation from people or peers. Well if this is you stop.!! Love yourself and let society come to accept who you’re because we are all awesome unique human beings.

Photos acquired from Pinterest.

Hits: 4


  1. MaryKenya

    stephen yaa

    Enlightening piece about how we shouldn’t be put down by how other people think about us.

  2. MaryKenya


    True, I think we should embrace who we are. We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

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