No perfect endings

‘I’m breaking up with you’…those are the harshest words to take in from a person you love. Unfortunately, Clara had to face these words from Michael, a man she had grown to love and adore. She couldn’t understand why he had come to such an abrupt decision while all a long, she thought they were doing okay.

“Why? What’s wrong? What did I do wrong??” Clara asked as she struggled to hold back her tears

It’s not you, it’s me…I messed up…I’m sorry…I’m really sorry..

“Hold on, what happened?? What did you do Mike?”

“I….I…I…there’s someone else and I can’t explain how but it happened and I realized it was a mistake.” he said with a very shakey voice as he turned away from her.

Upon hearing these words, Clara went numb. All she could here was a very high pitch voice between her ears as everything around her kept spinning. She then asked him to leav as he tried pleading his case but she couldn’t have any of it. It felt like a horrible nightmare. Clara felt high and drunk all at the same time and all she wanted to do was to stop time and punch him really hard in the gut but amidst the confusion, she just pushed him out of the house then proceeded to quietly to sit on the floor and let out the water works.

She cried so hard that she couldn’t feel her face. She felt like her lungs were caving in because she just couldn’t stop…she turned the TV volume a little higher because she felt her neighbors would hear her crying her soul out. So she just sat there…thinking…how could he?? After all we had gone through how could he betray me like that?? He kept calling and texting but she didn’t want to engage. She switched off her phone, took her car keys and just decided to take a drive.

Relationships today are like switch buttons, it’s either you’re on, or not. Plus it can go from 0 to 100 very fast. With that said, break ups have now become more complicated than before. At times some people have no idea that they have been left and as a result end up solving that puzzle on their own.

So how do you deal with modern day break ups?? (inserts laugh emoji while putting on my hypertherical relationship coach hat on), I’d say deal with it the best way you know how to. These events have no specific manual to help you out.

But truth be told, most break ups are usually hard to overcome especially when you didn’t see them  coming. If someone you truly care about walks out on you, it hurts every nerve in your body and that’s okay. As people, we often feel the need to be loved and needed so if it’s taken away, it’s okay to hurt.

Keep in mind that, when breakups are still very fresh, people end up doing a lot of dumb things to prove a point such as: calling or texting a million times, stalking the party either on social media or personally or even trying to make grand gestures trying to get them back. Others take a new spin in the total opposite direction by going back to former flames or hooking up with random or new people. Where do you lie?

One important factor I’ve come to accept with time is that people have their reasons for living. If the other party took time to explain it to you then good. Take time to rationally think about them as you heal. If you were not granted this courtesy then I’d advice that you call yourself for a small meeting and think things through…if you decide to go on without the other party then fine, take time to heal…if you decide to fight for them then at least do it with a clear mind awaiting any kind of results.

Sadly, breakups today are treated as competions. It is wrong to think that there is a winner and loser at the end. It’s a sad situation but it’s true. When one is first to leave, one is considered a winner while the other is considered a loser. Even after the whole break up situation, the one who seems to have moved on first is considered a winner. Well take it from me. Heal in your own time and don’t let people push you around by  telling you when you should stop the healing and mourning process. But also keep in mind that the world doesn’t stop when you are going through this process…so most times the faster the better.

So for break ups: I recommend a clean break from social media especially if you’re a heavy social media user. As we all know, social media is full of unnecessary junk that may overwhelm you during this time. Couples on social media do get a little extra so that’s why I’d recommend keeping off. And another thing, please don’t take your relationship issues to social media. Don’t share with strangers every detail of the break up and even escalate it to an all out war…noo this to me is usually the dumbest move so don’t do it.

Take on more by keeping busy…work on more projects and take on new hobbies along the way. I’d advice you to take on stuff that will help create a positive impact in the end or during. With this, your mind has no time to think about the hurt and pain. The human mind works in a very funny way positive thoughts are hard to get in but once a small negative thought infiltrates, it destroys all the good. So don’t give it that satisfaction.

Find yourself once again because we tend to at times lose ourselves to the other person. Fall in love with yourself all over again and most of all forgive yourself.

A strong support system helps. It can either come from friends or family. These are the people who hold you up when you are at your lowest. And on that note please don’t consider exes or people who’ve been hitting on you as support systems it usually ends up as a disaster.

Meet other people…open yourself up to other possibilities you never know what you might find.

People end up breaking up for various reasons…I’ll give my own experience where I left because I felt I was not at the same level as my partner. I had grown distant and I just couldn’t do it anymore. The man adored me…he was simply perfect and that’s why I felt because he deserved much more. Something in me had changed…it killed me and it was no longer fair for him anymore…it broke me when I had to walk away but it had to be done either way. Yes I still ask myself if I made a mistake sometimes but no. If I’d change anything maybe I’d change how I felt and how much it hurt.

As I said before these bitter endings have no specific formats to deal with so just do what you know deep down is right for you. Always keep in mind that they’re not mistakes. A friend once told me to treat these experiences as lessons. There was a reason why they were there and once they served their purpose things had to move on.

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