Redefining Self-love: Tips on how to better the relationship you have with You!!

Reading Time: 12 minutes

Love…it’s the one thing we are all always looking for. A lot of us are constantly seeking that special connection and make it our own. We find ourselves seeking love from a family member, from friends who we hold in high regards, and, yes, the highly coveted kind of love that turns into the kind of love we see in fairytales, love songs, and most recently the so-called Instagram and YouTube “couple goals.” Instant Gag!!

Today I’m not here for that. I’m here for the kind of love I know and I’ve come to realize is the most important, the kind that we give ourselves; the recently most exploited term by influencers and fellow bloggers term as “self-love”

I believe everyone has their way of defining self-love mostly because our experiences as human beings are uniquely formed and framed accordingly. 

But before we move on ask yourself this question, what does self-love mean to you? How do you define it?

Up until today, my definition of self-love has slowly morphed and changed throughout my different life experiences. I didn’t know much about it growing up but with a couple of miles on my record, its meaning has been edited and changed.

Self-love was about loving myself when I was riding sky high, when I was winning, when my friendships, family, and relationship showed me love and when I was winning.

But now, self-love means loving myself no matter what especially during those difficult moments when I feel the least unworthy.

I realized that it was easy to show myself love when everything was working out great but when luck turned its face from me, I sort of abandoned myself during my time of need. The time that was necessary for me to buckle down and fiercely protect myself, I cut my losses and ran. And this is what mainly brought me to this topic.

Want to know how I re-defined love for myself? Here are some of the tips to the ultimate self-love care:-

  1. Be kind to yourself- How do you treat the people you love? With kindness, compassion, and the ultimate care. Why not do the same for yourself. You only have yourself to be with.
  • How do you speak to you– Most times without realizing it, we say unkind and brutal words to ourselves at times even as a joke. But do you know that these words take root in you? As the Japanese quote states; speak kindly to yourself for the warrior within listens.  So ensure that from now on, you say nice things about yourself and to yourself.
  • Appreciate your uniqueness in the world- There’s only one you in the universe. That is what makes you special. Why not take time to celebrate that about you? Take pride in that and wear it like a crown. You are your own master of your fate it’s time you start owning it!
  • Always keep promises you make to yourself- How does it feel when someone you love, breaks their promise to you? It hurts a lot. You end up feeling betrayed and you end up questioning the person. I believe the ultimate expression of love to yourself is keeping and fulfilling your promises. Once you set your goals. Make it your life’s purpose to make them come true. By working on making on keeping these promises and fulfilling them, you get the chance to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence because you’ve proven time and again to yourself that you make things happen for you!!
  • Spend more time with yourself- We like spending time with the people we love it gives us joy and we never want those times to end. So why not take time to spend with yourself and actually enjoy it. Pick an activity you love doing and do it with you. Go out to a restaurant by yourself, take yourself to a movie. Take time to learn more about yourself, what you love, what you’re good at, and what you can improve on. Get a chance to define yourself on your terms and take pride in it.
  • Put yourself first! It’s not selfish– As people, we are naturally drawn to protecting and defending the people we love even if it doesn’t benefit us. It’s an honorable thing to do. But even as you put other people’s needs before ours, let’s learn to protect ourselves by putting ourselves first and finding the balance.

Also refer to Healthline:

  • Practice self-care- What makes you happy? What makes you feel most alive? What gives you peace? What brings out the best in you? Do that. Replenish your spirit by doing these things. I, for example, love to take time to read, and watch stuff that make me happy and gives me a better understanding of certain issues. I always make time for them.
  • Don’t be too hard on yourself– At times when life gets tough, we sort of take out frustrations on ourselves and befit the punishment upon ourselves in we see fit. But I’m here to remind you that it’s never that serious. Nothing lasts forever. Good or bad so enjoy the good and persevere through the bad. Take life as it is and don’t carry around all the problems in the world they will just end up breaking you.
  • Take care of your mind, body, and soul– Treat your body right by eating right and moving it. Do this in moderation and treat yourself once in a while. Take care of your thoughts. This is extremely important. If you let your thoughts control you, they will destroy you that’s why you need to take control; the mind can be a torturous master but a great servant. Let your mind work for you. And with that, you will protect your soul.
  • Be your greatest cheerleader– Work on becoming your biggest hype man!!

As you thrive to create this precious relationship with yourself, remember to be gentle with yourself. You will be walking on holy ground. Give yourself the chance and opportunity to learn and trust your journey and just like any other love story, there will be ups and downs. You just have to remember that how you treat and see yourself sets the tone on how the rest of the world is supposed to. So reflect love and respect.

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